Powerful Medicine

The scriptures are powerful medicine, both for preventive purposes and for restoration.

After reading Emily Watts' adorable book, "Confessions of an Unbalanced Woman" again a year or so ago, I decided that the scriptures could become the thing in my day described by Sister Watts as the BRICK of everyday.

The BRICK (my emphasis added) is that one thing that gets done, no matter what else does, and by doing that one thing, the entire day is not a loss, even if there's nothing else tangible accomplished.

For those of us who are "achievers" and "accomplishers", this is a really great concept!

For me though making my scriptures the non-negotiable item of my day has meant so much more than feeling a sense of accomplishment on any given day. It's more than a check mark on my day's list. Like we are promised, reading daily has been, for me, both healing and a protection.

While pregnant with my sixth child, I found myself at the edge of my ability to handle all of my responsibilities and often I would retreat to my room to lie down for a few minutes. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping things under control, all things considered. My sweet husband was working two full-time jobs, the other kids were happily busy with their activities, and I was looking forward to the birth of our precious baby boy. It was a very busy, wonderful time.

In addition to the "normal" kind of busy-ness, within 3 months my husband had two separate knee procedures and on the day of the second one, about six weeks before my due date, as I sat in the waiting room while he was in surgery, I had what I know now was an anxiety attack.

I felt as if my insides were ripped open and a horrible kind of terrification took over. As I sat there, I felt the wave of that emotion coming and tried to stop it, but it would not be stopped. From that point it would be about 7 months of living with that raw wound gaping open, before I finally sought and received some help.

In hindsight, I remember a quiet nagging feeling leading up to that time and that initial attack, urging me to read more of my scriptures. The feeling made an impression that I can still remember, but at the time I felt too overwhelmed to open those books too often.

I can only wonder now if paying better attention to that tugging feeling would have spared me, even a little, from the experience I have dealt with.

Now, I know enough to know better than to say that my anxiety is my fault. I also know enough to know better than to say that the absolute solution to prevent and end anxiety is to read your scriptures. I wish either or both of these things were true because then there'd be a blame and an answer for it happening to any of us.

What I want to accomplish by sharing a small part of my experience is to bear testimony of the power of the scriptures: to heal and to protect by bringing the spirit into our lives in a way nothing else does.

The scriptures are full of promises of protection, strength and power. I know that those promises are true and they have become more meaningful as I have taken more seriously first the commandment to read, study and immerse and second, to have faith in those promises.

For me, setting the scriptures as the BRICK in my day helps me envision a kind of fortified shield that protects me. I feel a sense of peace knowing that I am doing something the Lord has asked me to. They (the scriptures) have helped me in my journey to find the kind of emotional well-being I enjoyed before that first attack at the surgery center that day. And I feel confident that my regular reading has strengthened me emotionally and spiritually (along with prayer, temple attendance, priesthood blessings, and time).

Will I be spared another emotional upheaval like I've been through, thanks to my reading? I honestly don't know. I'd like to think so, but more than that just doing the right thing and being in the right place on a regular basis means the most to me. I do believe that the scriptures have power to prevent us from experiencing difficulties, including overwhelming temptations. We know we're promised that we won't be given more than we can bear, as long as we seek to have the help of our Heavenly Father.

These days my anxiety is mostly a quiet din in the background. Sometimes it tries to make it's way back to a more prominent place in my thoughts, but thankfully those days are few. Thanks to the help I've received and the protectors I've put in place (like my scriptures), I don't fear a resurgence but instead feel capable of dealing with whatever comes, when it comes.

I feel strongly that the scriptures are vital to our long term well-being. We can fortify ourselves and ward off unknown hazards, and we can help heal those scrapes we've already encountered.

Like any learning trial, I wish it wouldn't have taken what it's taken for me to have this testimony of the scriptures. As a side-effect, I'm grateful that this has come out of the horrors I went through.

I know the Lord is close by, that He loves us, and wants us to take advantage of the tools we've been given so that we might have health and strength and the ability to handle whatever life throws our way, even though challenges will still come.

If it's been a while since you've picked up your scriptures, see what you find in them today. I promise you'll feel better after you do.

xoxo

Thinking On Purpose

Time Out For Women has been doing monthly challenges this year and in February it was Mary Ellen Edmunds' turn to challenge women to "Think on Purpose". You can find that article here.

I love MEE and I loved the idea of trying to take on the challenge, but I wondered how I'd do it when most of the time my thoughts are caused to be focused on tiny people and interruption after interruption after interruption. Finishing a thought isn't really something my brain is even very good at anymore.

However....

It feels as if the stars aligned the other day, giving me some extra quiet moments that allowed me to take MEE up on her challenge to “Think On Purpose”.

On a recent Saturday, I had volunteered to take my daughter’s Science Team (they call themselves the “Ninjas”) to their Quiz Bowl in a neighboring town. It was about a 30-minute drive to and from their destination, and the drive over was full of cheery 12 and 13 year olds, chattering about all that is important to those of that age. I tried hard to be invisible and just listen. I loved much of what I heard.

Separately, I had volunteered to take another daughter’s Honor Band members to their rehearsal, in the same neighboring town. As luck would have it, these separate acts of volunteering ended up being for events on the same day! Now it would be FOUR round-trips, 30-minutes each way. Five if you wanted to include the trip back for the band concert we would attend that evening.

The band members’ conversation was as entertaining, on a cooler, 14-17 year old level. Again though, I worked hard to be invisible and so much of what I heard was adorable. I do love being with kids this age!

It was on one of the return all-alone-in-my-12-passenger-van trips that I took Sister Edmunds up on her challenge.

I had been reading Sister Olson’s TOFW book, “Too Much To Carry Alone”, and had nearly finished when MEE’s challenge came along. Sister Olsen talks about meekness in her book; how the Savior is our perfect example of this quality and yet it isn’t something you hear about people listing meekness as a trait they desire to obtain. However, meekness has a valuable promise given to us by the Savior: that the meek will inherit the earth.  Because of this promise and as it's a quality the Savior exemplified, we really should be looking to add more meekness to our lives.

So here was where I began to Think On Purpose. Sister Olsen did a great job of defining meekness, but my thoughts led me to wonder how is it that I (or anyone) could be more meek?

I felt what is so often described as “pure intelligence” flow through me and I was careful to listen so I could jot down the impressions at the next stop light. I felt impressed that meekness is not weakness, though the world would define it that way. Meekness is a quiet kind of strength, like Jesus had.

My question, ‘How do you “achieve” meekness?’ was met with the quick answer: “you don’t”. Instead, meekness is a by-product of other behaviors: gentleness, kindness, a quiet voice; by following the Savior’s example.

It was just a few minutes and the impressions were simple ones, but what I felt was powerful and I was reminded again that Heavenly Father is always listening. I know that the more we choose to put ourselves in circumstances that allow the Lord to speak - like Thinking On Purpose – the more we will hear His voice. And with those experiences will come added strength and surety as we build our testimony and deepen our conversion.

What a blessing MEE is, and what a blessing the challenge to Think On Purpose has been for me.

What would happen if you took a few minutes to Think On Purpose?

xoxo

My Little Gratitude Journal

Our good Relief Society Presidency challenged us this year to write daily in a gratitude journal they gave every sister at Christmastime. As the year began we did a 60-day "test" where the plan was to come together at the end and see what happened to each of us.

Keeping a gratitude journal is not a new thing to me. I have a running list, started a couple of Thanksgivings ago, that I keep in my calendar and add to every now and again. I'm up to nearly 300 things, all meaningful, though many are very small. Things like "flannel" and "the color brown" are on the list. More recently "hot rollers" and "garage door openers" were things I logged. I love and appreciate each and every item.

But, I wanted to do this challenge and so I took a little time at the end of most days and wrote. I discovered more small, meaningful things. Things like the cycling shorts my husband bought me for my birthday (if you're a cyclist you KNOW what a blessing these are!); then my mother-in-law's "Little Green Machine" that took care of my favorite 4-year old's accident on her bedroom floor.

I tend to look at things to be grateful for from the point-of-view of where would I be without that thing? I'd be a lot more sore without those shorts and my daughter's carpet would be worse off if not for the carpet cleaner. All worth being thankful for.

And while my 300-somethings list includes the things I hold most dear ~ each member of my family, the gospel, the scriptures, the temple, my marriage, etc., it's important to me to not stop with those big things, but to also find the littlest of little things ~

So at the end of those 60 days I discovered something I was not expecting: Contentedness.

I wouldn't have said that I was lacking in contentment before, but by paying attention throughout my day and then recording the special things that had made a difference for me that day caused me to better understand all I am blessed with.

Were my days always easy? Of course not.

Were there days I was grouchy, didn't get to shower, didn't get things done like I'd hoped at the beginning of the day? Yep.

But there was ALWAYS something to be thankful for.

With that contentedness came a greater satisfaction in what I accomplished each day and I also found a greater sense of humility for all that I've been given, because I'm paying more attention to those things each day. 

One day's entry was in gratitude for my husband. Well, there were many days I wrote his name, but the entry I'm thinking of was on a day when he stepped in with love and understanding for our daughter who would NOT have found her mother so kind.

I also hope she is as grateful for him...

Looking back on those entries now, I find pages of writing. Pages of gratitude that are a treasure now. I continue to write in that little book and look forward to filling it. I know this year will be one I remember a little bit differently because of this journal.

On the cover of my little journal our Relief Society put these words of President Monson's:
               
                   "Gratitude is one of the noblest of virtues. Cultivate within your heart an attitude of gratitude."

We know that the Lord encourages gratitude. He knows the benefits. He knows when we focus on our blessings there is less time to fuss over our challenges. And by doing that, we will be happier.

My contentedness is not unique to me. It's something anyone might find by participating in an exercise like this one.

If you don't already, consider keeping track of the blessings in each of your days. I promise good things will come.

xoxo

What A Mess

My sweet friend Abbie has a big family just like me and she was telling me not too long ago how she recently had a relative (a mom of one whose home looks like a magazine all.the.time) stop by unexpectly one morning. Abbie had been busy that Monday morning, recovering from a Sunday with a sick child and another child who had been sick in the middle of the night. She'd gotten the dishes put away and picked up toys while the baby slept. She'd done at least 4 loads of laundry and folded and put three of them away. She'd clipped coupons (oh how I love this girl!) and helped her husband via text while he sat in a crazy and boring meeting.

Abbie told me she was pretty pleased with how her house looked, all things considered. It was showing the "lived in" look, but not the "bomb just went off" one. There were a few things here and there that *could* have been put away, but there were people to help and take care of so those things got to wait.

So my friend's relative stopped by and as she came in said something that sounds just like,
"What a mess!"

Sigh.

Abbie told me that if she'd have known her relative was coming, she'd have probably picked up more, just to avoid such a comment. It isn't the first time she's heard something like this from this person.

Even amidst all the amazing things Abbie does and accomplished that morning, she still feels intimidated to have this person stop by, knowing what her house looks like every single day and how she looks down on Abbie's seeming inability to keep up.

I wanted to do two things when I heard Abbie's story: first off, I wanted to reach through the phone and somehow convince Abbie that she is amazing. Well, remind her at least. And second, I had a few choice words come to mind and a good shaking to give to this woman who was so quick to judge and see only what she wanted to see.

And now I wonder how quick I am to judge sometimes or to allow myself to be intimidated by people's comments who have no idea what they're talking about or who say harsh things because they themselves are insecure and they're trying to make themselves feel better. It happens. Call it a "girl thing".

When we're doing the best we can, when we use our energies in the best ways, and when we are following Heavenly Father's direction, we have no need to feel insecure. Even when people aren't kind. Even when people don't understand or give us the benefit of the doubt.

I know this is sometimes easier said than done. But if we're purposeful in our thinking, in our actions and in our reactions, we will be moving in a direction that will cause this to be easier and more natural over time.

xoxo

Lessons From the Garden, Part 1

It's Springtime and that means the yardwork has started. We are in our second spring in this home, and learned last year just what having half an acre means. Work with a capital "woah!".

Saturday my Mr. spent the day getting the garden plot ready and the kids and I pulled things and moved things and clipped things. My muscles are feeling the workout this morning!

The rosebushes got a good clipping and as I picked up the branches to get them to the pile in the corner of the yard, the amount of thorns was at first a little intimidating. Usually I might try to find a flat spot to fit my fingers in so I didn't get poked. These branches had no such flat spots. They were literally thorns from top to bottom.

So I didn't have much of a choice but to carefully pick them up and hold them gently as I walked. As I did though a thought occurred to me: that these thorny branches are a lot like some of the people we meet in life sometimes. And in order to help them or even introduce them to the gospel, we have to be gentle with them. Even in all of our gentleness, we still might get poked some (as I did on Saturday). But grabbing them and trying to move too fast or force them in anyway won't get us anywhere but to the medicine cabinet to treat our wounds.

It is possible to do good things for people who are hard to do good things for. We just have to be gentle, walk slowly, and not squeeze too tightly.

xoxo

It Is NOT Too Late!

My dear friend Abbie wrote something recently and I feel strongly that her words are true and want to share them here. She writes:

"It concerns me that there are some who feel as though their accepting the Gospel and joining the church, perhaps after years of avoiding or putting off doing so, will be met with even the slightest hint of "HA! We gotcha!" That there will be even a subliminal sense of "See? Told you so!" from those who are already members.
Let me say with all of the passion that is within my soul, this is not the case. If you have come to know the truthfulness of the Gospel but feel that all the fighting, whether bitter or friendly, you've done in the past makes it too late or the path too difficult to now start receiving the blessings and benefits of church membership, be assured that it is NOT too late."

It is NOT too late.

Rather than vocal battling, perhaps the fighting for some has been internal ~ that it seems too hard to live according to the standards the Lord has set for His church members... what's missing is the understanding that when the Lord asks us to do something, he not only strengthens our ability to abide, but he also provides blessings based on our obedience.

It IS possible, doable and is NOT too late!

xoxo

Please Pardon the Interruption

Hello friends.

It's been a while.

Chalk that up to life and chasing a growing family.

I hope you are well and look forward to being with you more in the days, weeks and months ahead.

My best to you,
Maryhelen

xoxo