That Thy Days May Be Long

I remember a lesson in Young Women's a few years ago.

There was a sweet girl there this particular day who was a foster daughter of a couple in our ward. It was interesting that whatever our lesson was on during one of her few Sundays with us included something about the fifth commandment. It's the only one of the ten that has a promise attached for keeping it. It's found in Exodus 20:12 and says:

              "Honour thy father and thy mother;
               that thy days may be long upon the land
               which the Lord thy God giveth thee."      

This dear girl was in the foster care system for a reason and I felt these words fall like a lead brick on her poor head.

As we sat listening, I wanted to help her with this principle when it felt obvious she was not seeing much to honour in her parents.

And a thought occurred to me that has recently come to my remembrance.          

It's that it's interesting to me what this doesn't say. It doesn't say to honour our parents if they make good choices.

If they're fun to be around.

If they treat you well.

If  your mom makes you dinner every night (whew - I'd be in trouble here).

If you can count on them.

If they like you.

If....

There are no contingencies here. Only a promise that our days will be long in the land when we honour our parents.

So then what does the word 'honour' mean?

I think that respect is a vital part of what it means to honour.

We show our respect by speaking kindly to and about our parents; We speak kindly when they are in the room and when they are not; We learn from their failures and resist our upbringing by propagating their serious mistakes. We can take negatives and turn them into our own positives.

Nowhere in honouring our parents are we asked to put ourselves in dangerous situations, whether that danger is physical or emotional or spiritual.

Of course not everyone has parents that are hard to honor. But when it's easy, we don't necessarily pay attention to the deeper meaning of what we're asked to do.

I sure wish I knew what happened to that girl. I do know that her time in Young Women's was well spent and that she heard what was taught.

Maybe it's as we get older that we're able to appreciate the promise of this commandment. Even light-heartedly as we realize our days are longer because our parents didn't throttle us when we were teenagers. :)

I believe our in-laws become another set of parents to us, making this commandment applicable to them as well as our own mom and dad.

And the same kind of 'ifs' are missing as we navigate our relationship with them.

What does it mean to you to honour your father and mother?

xoxo

Getting To Know Yourself

I've always had a struggle with feeling refreshed, even after a relaxing evening with my husband or girl friends. Even after a quiet afternoon when the babies are napping and I've been able to complete a thought and accomplish things around the house. Even after a whole week's vacation away from real life.

And I didn't know why none of those things left me feeling like I was ready to jump back in and tackle my responsibilities.

You always seem to hear that these kinds of things are the stuff people seek when they're looking to relieve the stress in their lives. And they seem to work for other people...

Why not me?

I honestly don't know the answer to that, but what I have discovered is that there is a way to find out what works for each of us, when the things the world offers just aren't working.

Our family situation currently sees five little people scoot out the door throughout the day to school. The youngest scooter leaves for the afternoon to attend Kindergarten, leaving baby brother and I at home. Alone. (insert the hallelujah chorus here)

He takes a nice long nap during that time, giving me a prime opportunity to replenish my personal stores and be ready for the evening dashing. 

But I was finding that closing my eyes for a few minutes or catching up on emails while listening to the money guy on the radio or folding laundry while watching a favorite "mommy" show, wasn't leaving me the kind of refreshed I wanted it to. All of those things are wonderful and I enjoy each of them, but I was looking for more.

So, in a certain kind of frustration that comes from doing what you know should be working but isn't actually working, I started talking to God. 

"Lord, what should I do? What is right for me?"

The answer came quickly. It, in and of itself, is less important than the fact that it came, but what I heard was "you need quiet".

I knew what that meant ~ it was more than just the background quiet I was enjoying with everyone off doing their own things. I needed the kind of quiet that comes from stillness, from sitting, pondering, listening to both my heart and the voice of the Lord in my mind. 

All of this happened not very long ago, but I'm so impressed with the results already. 

And I LOVE how we can continually get to know ourselves, by conversing with the One who knows us perfectly. 

I am sure that the Lord is in the details of our lives and that His concern for us reaches to every nook and cranny and thought and care and concern that we might have. 

He loves us and we have access to His power, simply by asking.

xoxo

The Sabbath Day

As the universe was organized, on the sixth day, Adam and Eve were placed in the Garden of Eden. God the Father and Jesus Christ then "rest from their labors for a season" and leave Adam and Eve to tend to the Garden. It was a peaceful time, free of the cares of the world yet to come and full of quiet comtemplation.

This "day of rest" is of course today our Sabbath Day, or Sunday. I love that we have the example of the Garden of Eden as a model for our Sabbath Day observance and that it can be quiet and wonderful and spiritually strengthening.

We've created a list of Sabbath-friendly activities as our children look for things to do with their day. These come after "go to church", which is always the day's first priority, in order to partake of the sacrament, which we feel is the most important thing we do with our Sunday - renewing our baptismal covenants.

The rest of our list includes journal writing, Personal Progress, watching or reading a conference talk or session, taking a walk, and helping to plan FHE. I should also say that "take a nap" is on the list, and that is often a favorite!

Your list of activities may differ from mine. And these aren't the only things on our list, but a representation of the list overall.

My point in sharing some of the things on our list is only to help to find things that are restorative and strengthening, so that our Sabbath day observance is one that is beneficial to us.

How have your Sundays gone recently? With small children, "quiet" isn't usually a good word to describe the day, but we can make sure that the common e-mail-checking things that occupy our time during the other six days of the week aren't taking over and not leaving time to renew and refresh ourselves.

The Sabbath is such a blessing if we let it be.

xoxo

Follow Dad

We have a variety of sizes of little people in our family, with the youngest being a very energetic 2-year old. I noticed recently when we're walking together as a family how often I say "follow dad" to any number of my short ones. Because he has longer legs, he'll typically take the lead and I will bring up the end of our little group.
From one of the first times that I said it, I've always been grateful at how fabulous it is that the instruction I give my children to "follow dad" doesn't just apply to physical things. He is a great role model and example and worthy to be followed in so many ways.
But last night, as we were walking to the van from the water park, I realized there's a little more to this sweet observation than I'd noticed before.

Dad was carefully making sure those precious little people were following after him, too.

It was a simple gesture and I'm sure he's done it most every time we fall in to this pattern. But last night as I told them one more time to "follow dad" (thus getting their attention back to crossing the parking lot safely), he turned around and made sure they were behind him, with a quick "come on guys" to keep them moving in the right direction.

In addition to my heart swelling at little at this amazing man I married, I can't help but think that this is how our Heavenly Father works as we follow after Him.

We have to listen to the teachings of His prophets and our other leaders to follow after Him, but of course he is ever-checking in and concerned that we are where we are supposed to be. And because, like my children can trust their dad to lead them to safety, we can trust our Heavenly Father to lead us safely, following after Him always brings blessings and peace to our lives.

Are you in the right place today, following after the One who promises peace and joy?

xoxo

The Rolls We Play

Each of us represents certain groups: as a Being, we represent the human race; as a woman, I represent womanhood; as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I represent the Church. Not in an official capacity, but as a member.

Just yesterday I found a list of actors who were Mormon. Some were obvious - the Donny Osmond's of the group. But there were others that were a surprise. There were those whose body of work didn't exactly lead me to think that by their work their membership was obvious.

And it got me thinking about how well I represent the groups I am a part of. Am I a productive member of society, guarding humanity and my fellow humans? What does the world see in me regarding my femininity and how I represent womanhood? Is it obvious to those I meet that I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

I hope so.

Of course there are things I want and need to do to improve in all of these areas, but my hope is that as each of us looks at and examines the rolls we have to play ~ human, woman, church member, wife/sister/daughter/mother/aunt/grandma etc. ~ we will do our best to represent those rolls well. To do good by the titles we have been given, or that we've taken on ourselves.

xoxo

Moms and Prophets

Not long ago, I finished a project I'd been working on to read the biographies of the 4 men who've served as prophets since the time I joined the church in 1992.

I didn't read them in order (Benson, Hunter, Hinckley, Monson), but instead finished with President Hunter's biography, by Eleanor Knowles. What stood out to me in this final episode of my project was the Prophet's ability to accomplish so much, even while going through serious personal hardships and trials. Life was not continually easy for any of these men, but they were certainly blessed as they went about doing the Lord's work.

I wondered how they made so much use of their time and how they were able to do so much. It was easy to see that it was because they were in the right place, at the right time, choosing to do the right things, as the Lord needed them to do them.

In addition to their "I will go and do" attitude was a pledge to dedicate themselves to the work. What the Lord asked of them was, to them, going to be accomplished, no matter what.

As a mother, I long for accomplishment to each day. But motherhood doesn't necessarily bring with it a neat little checklist of things that are tangible enough to be recorded. While I treasure special moments with my children and am so grateful for the chance to be their mom, the intangibility that can be on-going (and sometimes feels never-ending) becomes a challenge to my love for lists.

Is that a familiar feeling to you, too?

You can read about how my scriptures became the brick to my day here.

What occurred to me after spending a minute admiring President Hunter (and all of the prophets) for his (their) productivity was that being prophet was his calling in exactly the same way being a mom is mine. And as such, I am entitled to the same kind of direction and inspiration that will allow me to make the most of the time I have each day. Just like these prophets demonstrated the ability to magnify time, when I am on the Lord's errand, I will be able to accomplish all I need and want each day.

Will I get everything done on my list every day?  No.

But like Sister Weeks said in her book "Confessions of an Unbalanced Woman", our satisfaction of each day will increase and improve simply because we're putting first things first and are dedicating ourselves to our priorities.

I can pledge myself to the work I am called to do in the very same way each prophet has done, and then reap the benefits the inevitable time-magnification brings. 

It's so easy these days to be distracted by all the good things available to us. It's also easy to withdraw and neglect those priorities in order to have some extra "me" time or because we feel like if we spend so much time keeping our children occupied, there won't be any time left for other needs, but most especially wants.

What I've learned is, even though it's counter-intuitive, when we dedicate ourselves to the service the Lord needs us to render, our time will be magnified in such a way that all of those other things will be within our ability to accomplish. Maybe not in the amount of time we thought or planned, but they will be doable.

It's surprising though, how much of those must-do's and want-to's fall off our list or out of our memory when we are focused on the things the Lord puts on our list. Satisfaction remains and little is really missed with their loss.

Our challenge then is to see our calling in the same way each prophet has seen his; to pledge ourselves to the Lord's work, continually seeking guidance and direction from Him. And then, to never lose sight of it all.

Is it easy to lose sight of the divinity of our role as woman, wife and mother? Especially with the messages the world sends today?

Most definitely: YES.

So even greater then is our charge to stay focused, to not let those distractions hinder us and to pledge ourselves to the work we're called to do, remembering who it is that has called us to do it.

Heavenly Father loves us and is aware of our unique situation and each of our challenges. He sent us here to succeed.

Something one of my daughters pinned recently comes to mind...

And it's true.

We can find great happiness when we work to align our desires with those the Lord has for us. In fact I think that's where our greatest happiness will be found.

May we be blessed as we seek to know our purpose and then work to live so it can be fulfilled.

xoxo
 

Happy Mother's Day!

It's Mother's Day this weekend and Elder Holland has some great encouragement and counsel for each of us.

Enjoy!

xoxo